Erica's thoughts

For all my cat loving friends out there

2006-10-17T16:59:00.000-05:00

And especially for all those cats who have inherited a lot of money from their slightly batty owners! This is terrific. You must turn on your sound to appreciate it :-)
http://www.mollygood.com/celebrities/video/morning-moving-picture-meeeoooww-20061017.php

A message for parents in the Orthodox Jewish Community

2006-10-09T22:38:00.000-05:00

Have you hugged your child today?
Have you asked your teenage child where he has been, where she is going, who they are going to be with, what they are going to be doing?
Have you hugged your child today?
Did you sit down at dinner and discuss what happened in school or at the mall today? And didn't take "stuff" for an answer?
Have you hugged your child today?
Have you set a curfew and made your teenager stick to it?
Have you hugged your child today?
Have you told your child once, and then again, and then still again, to "just say no" -- have you also told them to walk away and don't go back?
Have you hugged your child today?
Do you tell your child that you love him, that you will always love her, and that if they need help you will provide it? And then carried through?
Have you hugged your child today?
Are you willing to call your child's bluff? To call the police, to take them to the hospital, to carry through with the drug test?
I have. I am one of the lucky one's. It took me a long time to see, and when I did, I called the bluff. I called the cops. We went to the hospital, and for us it worked, and I can hug my child today.
It doesn't always work, and then we all cry for the lost potential, the lost hope, the lost opportunities.
But what you can't do is close your eyes, to say it doesn't happen here, to say it can't happen to our kids, to say it isn't in our community -- because it is.
Please, hug your child today!

I may never talk to another small child

2006-09-12T12:31:00.000-05:00

I like children, especially small ones. My husband calls them OPC, for Other People's Children. I like to talk with them, flirt with them, play with them. Babies are wonderful. I am, of course, very aware of today's climate, and only connect when a parent is present and when it seems most likely that the overture will be acceptable. I don't give advice, and if I can't pay a compliment I make no comment at all.

Late Sunday afternoon my husband and I took our youngest son to the airport. He is spending this week in Northern Israel volunteering to help pick the harvest, and repair damages caused by the recent rocket attacks.

As we were waiting in the check-in line I noticed two adorable little girls, both wearing pink poufed dresses. They had ice blonde hair and looked about 3 and 5. I made a comment to the parents and the mom smiled. We saw the girls and their parents again when we got to the security line. By then our son was close to the scanner, and we were standing outside the barriers. The two little girls were standing right in front of us swinging on the ropes, and smiling up at us. I smiled back. Then the older one opened her mouth, and all my illusions shattered around me.

"Do you have a grandchild?"

I don't want to think that I look old enough to have a grandchild, even to a child young enough to be my grandchild!

The Who -- Any suggestions?

2006-09-11T15:46:00.000-05:00

So does anyone have any thoughts as to how I can persuade my husband that I should leave the family thanksgiving weekend (inlaws, kids, daughter-in-law, etc.) early, and spend the Sabbath in Philadelphia with my youngest son so we can go to "The Who" concert at the Wachovia Center on Saturday night?

I didn't think so.... :-(

I don't suppose anyone has any inside knowledge on whether they are going to extend the tour to make a stop in the Washington area?

Think of water flowing past a rock in a stream

2006-09-11T09:44:00.000-05:00

Now that the image is in your mind, let me give you the setup.

Saturday night four of us went to hear/see Rascal Flatts at Nissan. After the Alabama concert I had sworn I would never go back, but I guess I didn't swear hard enough. In addition, it was Saturday night and I couldn't walk out the door until 8:06 because of the Sabbath. The concert had started at 7:30, and even with a somewhat lead foot it can take 45 minutes to get there. My son and I were in the car by 8:07 and on the road. We got to Nissan almost exactly 40 minutes later, and then the problems started -- no parking.

I was asking an attendant where to park when I heard "Erica!" a very "happy" work colleague, BC, had just arrived with friends. My son hopped out of the car with them, and I went to find a park. I kept getting turn left, turn right, turn left, and kept turning into places where I couldn't park. Finally, there on my right was an opening in the barriers, and a car with some space to its right. Good. No signs not to park. I pulled in, and as I did so I heard the roar as the lights went down, and the music of the first song starting. I locked the car, and raced for the entrance. Please note what got left out of this operation. Contrary to my typical actions, I DID NOT identify where I had put the car. It was relatively close to the entrance, and I was sure I would identify it again, after all, there weren't any other cars around!

Fast forward about 90 minutes. They didn't play enough music, they did too much talking, but what they did do was terrific. The harmonies are excellent, and they have wonderful voices. They do a lot of a cappella singing, and I really enjoyed the concert. My son, daughter, and daughter's boyfriend were in no hurry to race back to the cars, so we sat at the entrance for a while talking. Then my daughter said she was thirsty and so we decided they would walk back to my car where I had some water. I confidently led the way to where I thought I had left the car -- UH OH -- no car.

For the next ten minutes the four of us wandered back and forth looking for the car. At one point my son left me with the key. Sooner than expected he shouted "I found" it. He couldn't have. There weren't any open spaces where he came from, just cars trying to leave. Of course you have probably figured out, there was my car -- stubbornly parked, facing in the wrong direction, in the middle of the exiting streams. The four of us could do nothing else but double over with laughter, but that explains the 'water flowing past the rock' image.

I can only imagine how many people were cursing me, silently and openly, while I laughed. Thanks to several wonderful drivers, I managed to get turned around, and pointing in the right direction. We were out of Nissan in less than 15 minutes once we found the car, and hopefully I will someday live down the fact the I a) parked on the road, and b) lost the car after I parked on the road, but I swear, it wasn't a road when I parked there!!

This one is for my friend AD

2006-09-06T13:14:00.000-05:00

I am on an email list that sends me sporadic jokes. Most of them are tired, but even so, they often provide a chuckle during my day. Today's list was of "unfortunate" choices in web site names, from ExpertsExchange.com to TherapistFinder.com. However, they pointed out that one website that sells custom pens, not only has a poor name choice, but their home page text leaves much to be desired.
Copied from Pen Island.net:

"We understand that some people don't have the time to design their own pens, and for those people we offer our pre-designed line of pens. Whether you're looking for a long and skinny pen, a thick pen, a fountain pen that squirts ink, or even a black pen, we have just the one for you."

Use your imagination....

Of course, after viewing the site, I do tend to doubt its legitimacy :-)

Playing with Google

2006-09-01T13:50:00.000-05:00

A couple of years ago, putting Weapons of Mass Destruction (or was it WMD) into Google produced a very clever error a la "404 Page not Found" errors, discussing the lack of WMD. Google-bombing has been going on for several years now. Try "failure" or "miserable failure", read the Wikipedia article, and for my technical friends, let me know when you are working on one of your own.

Is there an alternative?

2006-08-28T10:31:00.000-05:00

One of my colleagues referred me to this visual reference to the three stages of a man's life.

Is there an alternative? Of course there is. Romance your wife, stay faithful, and don't get divorced!

Meowing

2006-08-25T07:24:00.000-05:00

Is "meowing" at someone harassment?

I'll admit, I love my cat. In fact, I like cats in general. I think my kitty is wonderful. She cuddles up next to me when I read in the living room; she rolls over onto her back so I can rub her belly; and she has mastered the art of 'hampering' by weaving in and out of my legs when I walk down the stairs.

Of course some people think she is a devil cat. She clamps down on your hand with her teeth if you do something she doesn't like, or even if she has had enough, and she is black, and she was born on the 13th, but still I love her.

All this is a preamble to a habit that started at work more than a year ago now. The finance group used to be at one end of my floor. On the tops of their cube walls they had a collection of rubber ducks -- ducks with bunny ears, ducks coming out of shells, ducks in sheep clothing, ducks in camouflage, ducks in red hats. I thought with all these cute ducks there should be a kitty duck, but there were none, so every time I walked by finance I "meowed." It became a signature, and if I didn't meow the group thought maybe something was wrong.

Gloria used to meow back. She left the company a few months ago to move to Texas and I miss her. Before she left she gave me a beanie baby kitty named Snip who sits on my monitor. Valerie also meowed back, and when I go down to the first floor (where finance moved when we grew) I still meow at her and she meows back. She has Snip's friend Nip on her monitor.

Now I find out that some people consider meowing harassment. A woman had her neighbor's 14 year old son arrested for harassment for meowing at her every time she came outside. Is that really harassment, and since when does an adult woman let a kid get to her like that. I say grow up.

Shabbat and the Disabled

2006-08-10T11:28:00.000-05:00

As many of my friends know, I will not drive or ride in a car on the Sabbath except in cases of emergency health related situations. Shoe sale emergencies don't count. This is true of Orthodox Jews the world over. In fact, direct use of electricity is also not allowed, so you could leave your lights on for Saturday, or put them on a timer that turns them on and off automatically, but couldn't flip the switch.

For most of us, this is not an issue on a regular basis, but the prohibition of riding in a car can become an onerous burden as we grow older, or our parents age, or we become disabled. Wheelchairs are permissible, but they have to be mechanical, and if you require one on a regular basis, you may also need someone to push it, and if you live alone, you need to rely on the kindness of friends, neighbors, and family. What about the person who lives far from synagogue, and who could walk before, but can't walk so far now? What does he do. Up until now? Stay home and forgo the community of the synagogue, or break the Sabbath.

Now there is an alternative. A company called MyAmigo in upstate NY has created a motorized cart (scooter) with a Sabbath setting. They even had the product certified by a recognized organization in Israel. Zomat works with vendors who want to make modern technology, phones, electricity, etc., that make life easier for the Sabbath observant.

Of course this isn't for everyone, and as always, the caveat is "consult your local Rabbi," but what a boon to those of us with parents who are shut-ins on Shabbat for want of a little ingenuity.

Hair yesterday, gone today

2006-08-09T15:27:00.000-05:00

For the last month I have been unhappy with my hair. Aside from the desperate need for "only her hairdresser knows for sure"*, I couldn't manage the style or the length. I had resorted to putting it up in a pony tail day in and day out, or a hair band, or a clip, or under hats. Today I took the plunge. I wasn't totally convinced that I hadn't made a big mistake, but judge for yourself.

I did learn one other thing from this photo, it may be time for regular makeup....

*tag line from an "I'm aging myself" clairol commercial

Despite Scratched CD, the "Inter-Web" is Back

2006-08-04T07:43:00.000-05:00

The very nice lady whom I finally reached at Verizon after many frustrating hours on hold, with inexperienced help desk folks, or redialing after dropped calls, came through. The "Welcome Package" was indeed on the front porch. I had a little time around 6pm and popped the CD in the drive and started the process. Got two steps done and the wizard vanished -- hunh?

On my desktop was a new icon - restart setup. So I did. Once again, two steps in, and gone. Switched the CD from one drive to the other. Got another step (not because of the switch, apparently) and then it vanished again. I discovered through trial and error that if I let the CD run until the step was complete, I could get a little further. Then I took out the CD and looked at it. Large low depth scrape across the back. Ever had a music CD that stuttered at one point?

Finally, I reached a point in the Modem set up (the initial section was just adding filters on the phone line) that I couldn't seem to bypass at the end. That time I tried clicking through the step at different times, and FINALLY got passed it. I guess that was the last barrier, because the CD finally conceded, completed the installation process, and we are back on the Internet at home. More than that, when I have some more time to "fiddle" with things, there should be wireless in the house. Hopefully it isn't wide open to the world right now :-) but if it is, my goal is to shut it down over the weekend. In the meantime, if you are driving past my house, and you happen to find a free wireless connection, enjoy....

For those of you terrified by security issues, I have a firewall, virus protection, etc. all active on the home machine.

Nothing is ever simple

2006-07-31T14:44:00.000-05:00

7/20/06 -- Order DSL
7/21/06 -- Wait
7/22/06 -- Wait
7/23/06 -- Wait
7/24/06 -- Phone call on answering machine, DSL will be activated on 7/27/06 after 6pm
7/25/06 -- Wait
7/26/06 -- Wait -- but where is my welcome package -- they did say 3-5 business days
7/27/06 -- Wait -- check online -- package has been shipped and DSL is pending
7/28/06 -- Wait -- check online -- package has been shipped and DSL has been activated
7/29/06 -- No way to check -- no package
7/30/06 -- same message on line
7/31/06 -- automated system gave me a tracking number -- tracking number says package was delivered on 7/24/06 and left on front porch -- but no package was received
7/31/06 -- start calling Verizon DSL, Verizon Local, and Verizon billing. It appears my DSL was installed on Conceto Lane, and the package was delivered to Concerto Lane -- except I don't live on Concerto Lane. I have now been transferred twice, and in both cases the calls were dropped and I had to start again.
I hope the people on Concerto Lane are enjoying my DSL, but I am NOT going to pay for it!!!!!

Order of Canada!

2006-07-25T19:51:00.000-05:00

My mother just called -- she has just been officially named to the Order of Canada. Apparently the appointment was made on April 6, but was just announced by the Governor General of Canada. (see the press announcement.)

http://www.gg.ca/media/doc.asp?lang=e&DocID=4828

This is the highest civilian honor that Canada awards to one of her citizens. She wasn't eligible while she was a sitting judge, but now that she has officially retired, the appointment came very quickly. I have always been very proud of my Mum, but I must admit, it is incredibly nice to see her receive recognition on a national level for her years of service to Nova Scotia and Canada. Nova Scotia recognized her last year with the Order of Nova Scotia, and I was extremely proud of her then. I am just as proud now. My mother was a pioneer for women in the law. She fought against not only the prejudice against her sex, but also the prejudice against her religion, and triumphed.

I used to subscribe to a magazine that everyone year would run a contest to name the ten most admired women in the world. For me, my mother has always been the woman I admire most.

I love you Mum -- I am very proud of you, and as it is said, "May you go from strength to strength."

bye bye AOL

2006-07-20T12:11:00.000-05:00

We first joined AOL in 1995. Over the years it has been very good for us. However, lately things have not worked as well. Finally, last week the DSL modem stopped talking to the computer, and no one seemed to be able to help. It was finally time.

I have cancelled AOL. Am I there last customer? Probably not. But I am definitely part of a trend, and AOL knows it too. There was no argument when I asked to cancel. They even have it as one of their menu choices on their customer service 800 number. One of the reasons I had never cancelled before was that I didn't want to lose my screen name. Guess what -- that's no longer an issue. You can keep your aol mail and screen name, and access both through www.aol.com. You can also get web mail through your aol screen name. So I will still be on AIM with my Erica screen name, and I won't be laying out over 50$ a month for DSL and AOL.

I am not ready to switch to FIOS yet. I know that's silly, but I am concerned about not having phones when the power goes out. If Verizon could give me television over my FIOS, then I would switch, but otherwise.... So I went to Verizon DSL. I don't want to be wedded to cable either at this point. Did I get the best deal? who knows, but it came with a free modem and wireless router so I will be able to access the internet from my laptop at home -- finally!

Now I just need to make sure that I am not providing internet access for the whole neighborhood. Anyone want to volunteer to help secure my network?

Birthday presents

2006-07-07T09:02:00.000-05:00

I got a lot of very nice gifts for my birthday. My husband surprised me with a 4 day 3 night trip to Vegas. My son and daughter-in-law brought back a pearl and cord multi-strand necklace from Costa Rica. My daughter and youngest son took me to the Tim McGraw, Faith Hill concert (yes I like country music), my best friends at work sent me flowers and chocolates -- at work, and that made me feel very special, my mother-in-law gave me a Michael Kors bag. But this is about what I found in my family room when I came home last night.

For months I have covetted a particular Bernina sewing machine. I nearly suckered my husband into agreeing to its purchase last summer -- until he found out the cost. I talked to my Mom, my kids, etc. Last night, in the family room of my house there were two boxes from the local fabric store. My mother and brothers had sent me the sewing machine of my dreams! I absolutely can't believe it. It can sew by itself -- really, it can! I barely had a chance to try it last night, that's another story, but I can't wait to see what I can do with it.

The embroidery module hooks up to a laptop. For now, I guess I will use my laptop from work, but eventually I will have to get one of my own. Don't think it needs anything too powerful, but I will have to see.

I am so incredibly excited. I just can't believe it.

Have to blog

2006-07-06T16:07:00.000-05:00

Have to blog -- have to -- have to. Came back from Vegas at midnight. Got home around 1:30. Suitcases were soaked and had to completely unpack before bed to avoid mildew. Got up at 7am or was it 4am. It's 5pm and I can't tell what time it is. No sane thoughts in my head, and no work accomplished today. Need to get my hands wrapped around some interesting stuff here at work. Are there changes in the wind? To be seen.

Shaking hands

2005-06-02T19:35:00.000-05:00

Shaking hands is a part of American and Canadian culture. It is not as ingrained over the rest of the world, but it is certainly a well known and accepted custom. Recently I went looking for the origins of the custom, and while there was no certainty, the probability was that shaking hands originate between two men to show that they were not carrying weapons. Later it became the seal on a contract. But what happens if you don't or rather won't shake hands with someone?

At social political events, shaking hands is almost required. So what happens when a religious leader is invited to such an occasion, in particular a religious leader who won't shake hands with a member of the opposite sex? What should that religious leader do in such a situation? What should he do if he is introduced to a very senior political figure who happens to be a woman? When faced with an outstretched hand, should the religious man place his hands behind his back?

Despite what some people think, we live in the real world. I understand and do my best to respect others beliefs. I would never expect the religious leader to shake my hand. But when NOT shaking hands with a woman is equivalent to not shaking hands with a personal representative of the Queen of England, or the President of the United States, then I believe the religious leader should do a little more thinking before he acts.

This is not a hypothetical example, the event happened. The snubbed woman felt as if she had been slapped. She didn't understand, until later, what was going on, and even after an explanation, she still believes that her office was "dissed". (Not her exact words, but a succinct representation of her feelings.) She has never felt strong support for this particular religion, and the acts of the religious leader just confirmed her opinions. Is this what the religious leader wanted or intended? Certainly not, but it is what happened.

There is enough religious intolerance in this world without encouraging more. I say the religious leader was in the wrong.

Buffalo Nickels

2005-05-13T12:52:00.000-05:00

My company divides its employees into functional groups, known as practices. Some practices are more "convivial" than others. Mine tends to be fairly close knit, despite the best efforts of the firm to encourage our communication with others. (That is a whole blog in and of itself, and not the subject for this one.)

Most weekdays, at least some of the members of our practice have lunch together in the kitchen. Often, the conversation sinks to points that can only be referred to as "HR nightmares." Today was NOT one of those days, until almost the very end. We will disregard the reading of fortune cookie fortunes, with the "in bed" tag line. No, that wasn't what caused the laughs, it was the new nickel.

For anyone who hadn't heard, the US Mint is issuing a new version of the nickel. Thomas Jefferson's head has been redesigned into a profile a la Mt Rushmore, and the reverse side has an America bison -- an anatomically correct American bison. For those of you who are curious, take a look for yourself.

Image of Buffalo Nickel

Passover WAS very nice

2005-05-13T12:45:00.000-05:00

It was actually fairly pleasant, as I knew it would be. Cooking is slightly more difficult, but with planning, everything is possible. Everyone was home for the first two days, but my oldest son stayed at school for the last two. We had one seder with my son's future family, the other was by ourselves.

Interesting, though. We all must be maturing. In the past, we have had seder's at others homes, but when we were on our own, things reverted to normal. This time, we all enjoyed our seder at Shosh's so much, that we incorporated parts of it that we liked. For the first time, we didn't chant everything in Hebrew together, we actually read parts in English. Actually, everyone picked the language of their choice. That's why one paragraph was actually read in pig latin! Guess which of my wonderful children chose to do that! Truthfully, I felt more involved. I didn't find my mind wandering, or find myself counting pages, and that is a very good thing.

Passover has been over for a couple of weeks, and my house is back to normal -- mostly. It is probably the fastest that has happened in years too. All in all, a very nice holiday!

Ok, Ok, Passover is NOT Spring Cleaning

2005-04-20T15:34:00.000-05:00

My last blog WAS tongue in cheek :-) Every year I try to see how much less I can get away with. I don't do spring cleaning before Passover. I do my best to sleep every night, and contrary to most people, I actually love it when the first night falls on Saturday night. Why, you ask? Let me count the ways.

A decent night's sleep -- most years, the night before the first seder I am up until 1 or 2 am, sometimes cleaning, but usually cooking. This year, Friday night will give me a decent night's sleep.
Three day Holiday -- Even though this is a three day holiday, and I usually dread them, the Sabbath lunch meal is fairly small, and simple cutting preparation to a minimum
Nap -- the day before Passover I am usually on my feet from 7am until the seder starts. On Saturday, I get to take my only nap of the week. When the first seder starts Saturday night, I can't cook on the Sabbath, and I get a nap before the first seder. It's like being a kid again.
Sleep -- if you begin to sense a theme, you are absolutely right. I get lots of sleep, all the other years I get almost none. I am a happier, calmer, more relaxed person when I get enough sleep and don't feel stressed. It's a wonderful life!

I actually like Passover once it starts. Life is simpler, the seders are fun, cooking is a challenge, which makes it interesting, and there are fewer outside distractions. The holiday has familiar rituals and music, significant memories and meanings, and to all my friends who will be celebrating, have a Hag Kasher v'Sameach. Have a Happy Passover.

Passover -- or is Judaism really anti-female?

2005-04-18T17:10:00.000-05:00

I honestly don't believe that Judaism is anti-women. Many, maybe most Orthodox Jewish women have come to terms with where they fit in the religion, their role, and their relationship with halacha (law) and Hashem (G-d). Except when it comes to Passover!

This holiday, its requirements and its stringencies, was truly created by someone who had it in for women. With tongue in cheek, look at the list below:

Have you cleaned every inch of your house? Many of us say we won't, most of us do.
Is that a bread crumb behind the refrigerator? Better move it out to check. Forget that nothing from Passover is going to go behind the refrigerator, you might own bread products on Passover!
Have you checked all the ingredients in your shampoos, soaps, lotions, makeup, etc. to make sure there is not a hint of any wheat or grain, or wheat by-products?
Have you scrubbed your floors, and then scrubbed them again?
Have you checked under your sofa cushions? Behind your bookshelves? Inside the pages of the history book you haven't looked at since college? There might be a grain of wheat.
Have you scrubbed all your baby's toys, and then scrubbed them again, then again, because each time you clean one he makes it dirty again?
Have you gone through your car with a fine toothed comb, digging M&Ms out of the cushions, picking wrappers out from under the seats, and vacuuming till within an inch of its life?
Have you locked away all your regular pots and pans, dishes and glasses, forks and knives, and every utensil you use the rest of the year?
Have you covered your impeccably scrubbed counter tops with aluminum foil or heavy plastic, poured boiling water over every corner of your scrupulously clean stainless steel sink, and scrubbed the inside and outside of your refrigerator and freezer, and any cabinets you plan to use until they shine?
Have you run your self-cleaning oven, scrubbed the bottom, sides, top, and shelves, and then run it again?
Have you turned on your burners without a pot on top and let them burn (gas or electric) for what seems like forever while your house slowly heats up and the knobs start to melt?
Have you dragged out your Passover pots and pans, dishes and glasses, forks and knives, and every utensil you will need to cook for the entire week of Passover plus a few days of preparation?
Have you spent several hours searching your house by candlelight to see if you missed anything?
Have you taken what you didn't missed, wrapped it in a rag and burned it with the appropriate prayers?

And finally,

Have you watched your husband spend a few hours cleaning his car and the drawer beside his bed, and then sit down in the living room with the Sunday paper?

Truly, this is not a holiday loved by women -- at least not before it starts!

PMI Certification!

2005-04-12T15:52:00.000-05:00

I took my Project Management Professional (PMP) certification exam today and passed. From the PMI site http://www.pmi.org,

"If you enjoy the prestige that comes from being the best in your field, then you’ll appreciate the professional advantages derived from attaining the Project Management Professional (PMP) status. The PMP designation following your name tells current and potential employers that you have a solid foundation of project management knowledge that can be readily applied in the workplace."

I took a prep class sponsored by my company, as well as doing additional studying on my own. My company also paid for the exam. I want to thank them for offering the training and pushing me to take the exam. I probably would not have tried it without the urging.

I am also truly glad it is over!!!!!

Laughter, tears, and praise!

2005-04-08T13:45:00.000-05:00

My mother was honored last weekend at a dinner in Halifax Nova Scotia for her many years of service as a Justice of the Nova Scotia courts. She retired in December as the Chief Justice of Nova Scotia.

The weekend included a symposium on Saturday, and a black tie dinner Saturday night. My mother also hosted a casual dinner Friday night for her out-of-town guests. It was an absolutely wonderful weekend, and I came to realize that she is very highly respected, not just in Nova Scotia, but all over Canada for her contributions to the Canadian judicial system.

I'm not going to recap the whole weekend, but here are some of the highlights.

Casual dinner Friday night. A judge's definition of casual, and most other people's definition are different. Casual does not mean jeans and t-shirts. Casual does not even really mean khakis and polos. No, casual means a sports jacket and slacks instead of a suit, and the tie can be a little brighter than otherwise. On Friday night my mother hosted dinner for 47 out of town guests. They included Chief Justices and former Chief Justices from almost every province in Canada, as well as the Chief Justice of Canada. The CJC is a very bright very pleasant woman who spoke at both the symposium and the dinner. I enjoyed our conversations very much. She was quite gracious to my children as well, and even wrote a note to my son and his fiancee! But casual dress? NOT!

Saturday night. My brother's children, nephew and neice, appeared briefly for photographs with my mother. They were all decked out in Nova Scotia Tartan! Adorable. My brothers looked elegant in suit or tux and tie. My mother was all smiles, when she wasn't crying. I learned that she has been to a spa, once. The CJC ordered her to go (with a smile) and so she went. I learned that other judges taught her to drink cosmapolitans, and she likes them. I learned that there was no task too small or too big, no committee chair or group chair that my mother couldn't handle with her usual efficient and effective management style. I learned that my mother's shoes will be very hard to fill, and I learned that mention of my Dad in a public forum still makes me cry.

We were all very proud of Constance Rochelle Glube, former Chief Justice of Nova Scotia. May she have many wonderful years of retirement, and may she enjoy them to the full, even more than she enjoyed her many wonderful years on the bench.

Dinner with the engaged couple (link to photos)

2005-03-27T21:55:00.000-05:00

The two families had dinner together this evening. Everyone was there except Kifi, Shosh's sister, who is currently in Israel. I loaded some photographs to my webshots site, including a shot of "the ring!!" Not everyone made it into the photographs, but feel free to share.
http://community.webshots.com/user/ekolatch

ENGAGED!!!!!!

2005-03-27T09:03:00.000-05:00

Last night, at approximately 11pm, my 21 year-old son, Eliezer, proposed to his long time (6 years +) girlfriend, Shoshana, and was accepted -- of course! Shosh is a wonderful girl, great for my son, and I love her like another daughter.

When she isn't being a junior at UMD, she sings with an acappela music group from there, and the group went on tour for spring break. Last night they were performing at Rutgers University. She knew Ez was coming to Rutgers for the last concert, a week without each other is a very long time. What she didn't know was that he planned to propose after they finished singing. I don't have all the details yet, hopefully there will be pictures, but the plan involved the ring (of course) flowers, and the group still being on stage. When he called to let us know that they were engaged, we could hardly hear them for the singing around them.

They should be back in Silver Spring at some point today. If there are any photographs, I will definitely post them!

I have a new name

2005-03-18T09:18:00.000-05:00

E Week magazine -- a free journal for the IT trade (I can't imagine spending $195 for it) just invited me to get a new free subscription. The email came to my work address, and was personalized.

Dear Variable Name,
Because of your industry involvement, you have been selected to apply for a FREE (No fee whatsoever) subscription to eWEEK – The Enterprise Newsweekly.
Please apply online:

by Month 18, 2005

Seems to me that if a journal focused on the Information Technology industry can't get their information technology to work their advice may be spotty too.

Remembering March 17th for a different reason

2005-03-17T09:42:00.000-05:00

For most people who celebrate March 17th, the day is St. Patrick's Day. I swear, I see green everywhere. Even on the number and icons on blogspot. Weren't they blue yesterday? But I have different thoughts on March 17th.

My father died 8 years ago in January. His birthday was March 17th. I treasure many memories of my dad. He was generous, creative, a loving father and husband, a good friend. In the last 10 years of his life, as he developed new hobbies (building scale model live steam engines) he gathered to himself a circle of treasured friends. They gathered every Thursday morning in my dad's elaborate workshop to work on individual and group projects. They learned from each other, helped each other, laughed and joked together, and when my dad got sick, helped him to see his final project through to completion. Soon after he died, my mom let the "guys" know that they were welcome to continue coming every Thursday, and they did. My mom continued to make sure there was soda in the fridge and lunch fixings in the freezer, and the guys responded by letting in servicemen, watching out for the house, and making sure that she was included in club activities.

Today is my father's birthday. As I have done for the last 8 years, I placed a call to my mom this morning. Until today, she was always in the office, and that's where I reached her. Today I called home since she retired December 31st. It seems fitting that I didn't reach my mom, she had gone out. One of my dad's friends answered the phone. The "guys" still come every Thursday. I'm glad.

Things I should have blogged about, but didn't!

2005-03-14T18:17:00.000-05:00

There is quite a list.

Barry's new job -- or I lost my wife
I broke the internet
AOL couldn't fix the internet -- useless service!
I fixed the internet myself, with a little help from my good friend Google
Paintballs and pranks -- or why teenagers should be permanently grounded
Ha Ha -- if you are going to paintball someone's house, don't cut off a cop during your getaway
Being less than a full citizen, or what it's like to work as a sub-contractor at another firm

I am not going to catch up on all those blogs, but if you really want to hear about one let me know and I'll see what I can do.

The Great Snow of 2005? NOT!!!

2005-02-25T14:58:00.000-05:00

Once again the weathermen in the Washington, DC area worked the community into a frenzied activity, causing people to empty store shelves, cancel school (for two days) and leave work early or not come in at all, for a snow that was almost a non-event.

It has been warm in the area lately, above 40 and often above 50, so when the predicted snow arrived even the places that got 6-8 inches on the ground got at most 2 inches on the roads. I will admit that after 5pm yesterday, things got slippery, and this morning before the sun came up the roads were a little slick, but by 10am, everything was clear, and most roads were dry. When I go home tonight my sunny grass will be completely bare of snow.

In early February my company put a survey on the internal community web page asking how many people thought there would be one more "blizzard" this winter. Since I don't believe we have had one, I thought the question was silly, but I also thought that it was unlikely. Today on the page I noticed a congratulations to the people who answered YES. Sorry, but if this is the big snow of 2005, some people need to go and live in New England or the Midwest for a few months. Get a grip!

Do it yourself medicine?

2005-02-23T09:31:00.000-05:00

I know why this book was written, the same reason every introductory book is written, as a reference for new practitioners. But somehow, this one seems more distressing than Step by Step Auto Repair or Step by Step Deck Construction. Perhaps the only title more distressing would be a book called Step by Step Brain Surgery!

Step by Step MRI.

Blog complaints -- or too much Judaism

2005-02-22T12:11:00.000-05:00

My daughter says my blog posts are getting too religious, or too spiritual, or too Jewish. So I figured my next one would be cute and funny. What do you do when cute, or funny, or "oh get a life" also turns out to have a Jewish bent. You post it anyway!

The Washington Post publishes an Express version, given away free at Metro stations. On the front page of today's Express was the following item.

Gum Sin-A-Burst "Your gum has lost its flavor but there's no trash can in sight. What do you do? According to a prominent Israeli rabbi's interpretation of Jewish law, swallow it. Shmuel Eliyahu ruled spitting gum on a sidewalk or hiding it under a desk is wrong. 'Gum cannot be thrown where others are liable to be disgusted by it,' he said -- and though gum may appear hidden, 'G-d knows' where it is. Better yet, eschew gum altogether. 'Chewing gum is the practice of lower forms of life,' added Eliyahu." (AP)

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/express/pdfs/EXPRESS_02222005.pdf

What makes an Orthodox Jew? OR Orthodox Jews don't cheat on their taxes.

2005-02-15T11:24:00.000-05:00

I have been told that about 12 years ago a Rabbi in the Washington area gave a sermon where he said Orthodox Jews do not cheat on their taxes. Someone questioned him on that statement and his response was to the effect that it takes more than synagogue affiliation, Shabbos and Kashrus observance to be an Orthodox Jew.

This is absolutely true. You can't judge someone by what you see. That is why you can have an "Orthodox" Jew who can run a nursing home scam, or get into trouble with the SEC, or use charity funds for dubious purposes. That is why an "Orthodox" Jew can walk into an Arab Mosque and fire an Uzi. That is why an "Orthodox" Jew can refuse to help when help is needed, can be rude and obnoxious, bad mouth his neighbors, or accuse his local Rabbis of the same kind of behavior.

This person is not a religious Jew. He is not following G-d's laws. Not the way G-d wants them followed. Oh yes, he has all the outward trappings. He is scrupulous about the food he eats, the clothes he wears, and the synagogue he belongs to, but in his heart he is not observant. He has forgotten about tzedakah (charity), about kindness to those less fortunate than he, about honoring G-d by observing the commandments that aren't visible as well as those that are.

G-d doesn't see what is only on the outside, he sees what is inside us too. No one today can follow ALL of G-ds commands. However, it is up to us to do our best to be good people as well as Observant Jews. The second without the first will put the quotation marks back in the statement "Orthodox" Jew.

Saints' Days and Memories

2005-02-14T17:56:00.000-05:00

My family does not celebrate some "typically" American holidays. In calendar order, these are Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, and Halloween. These Saints' Days have become a part of American culture, but for the most part, not in the American Orthodox Jewish community.

The most glaring omission is Halloween. "You mean your children NEVER went trick or treating?" Well, not on Oct 31. They went sukkah-hopping; walking from sukkah to sukkah on the holiday of sukkot, eating a treat in every sukkah, visiting with friends, enjoying the holiday. "No costumes?" Well we had Queens and Princes and Ninjas and bums and other assorted characters on the holiday of Purim, the celebration of the Book of Esther and the saving of the Jews from the wrath of a very nasty man. Oh and people don't collect candy/food on that holiday either -- we send it. But no, no trick or treating ever.

No shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day, no roses on Valentine's day. I didn't grow up religious. I came to it in college. There are few things I miss about my more secular days. Lobster is one. I would really like to taste lobster once more. But there aren't many. Every once in a while, I miss the symbols of childhood. Every year on Valentine's day there was a small plastic heart-shaped container of cinnamon hearts from my mother. Even when I went to college she mailed it to me. She only stopped after I was married and I explained that they weren't kosher. I miss those hearts. I miss that piece of my childhood. I miss that symbol of my mother's love.

I know she loves me. I never doubt it. But sometimes, I wish that when I came downstairs on February 14 there was a small red plastic container next to my breakfast place.

"How are you doing today?"

2005-02-09T13:06:00.000-05:00

One of the blogs that I read regularly, http://asimplejew.blogspot.com/, talked about responding "Not bad" to the question "How are you doing?" He commented that the response embraced "negative feelings," and decided to respond with "Very Good," no matter what. I would argue that "Not bad" may be an achievement under some circumstances.

My Dad died 8 years ago last month. Although he had been sick for a year, in and out of remission, and despite the time I had to prepare myself, I was still devastated. My Dad had always been a role model. Not necessarily a perfect one, but as I grew older I found that I was more and more like my Dad. Needing change to stay excited. He changed careers at least three times in his life, I am on number 3 (that is if you count being a stay at home mom as a career choice.) He had a variety of hobbies in his life and attacked them with gusto. So have I. I am currently boring everyone who comes near me with stories about the quilts I am currently making. The hobby may stick, or three years from now it may have been replaced with something else.

So, back to the point of the blog. When my Dad died, I walked around in a fog for months. I was happy when I felt I could answer "Not bad" when I was asked how I was doing. That was an accomplishment. I still remember the feeling when I changed that to "great". Today, I have a variety of answers, depending on my moods (read the blog on depression.) "Not bad" is one of the answers, "awake" is another. But if I tell you I am great or fine, or doing well, then you know it's true. "Not bad" may be self-perpetuating negative thinking, but some days it is entirely accurate.

Who do you admire? Who is your hero?

2005-02-08T11:01:00.000-05:00

Every year around this time, Good Housekeeping Magazine has a poll where readers select the men and women they most admire. I subscribed to the magazine for many years. It didn't make me a better housekeeper, and I'm not sure why I kept the subscription, because some things about the magazine really bugged me, but every year I would look at this survey and feel left out.

They listed politicians, and politicians' wives. Actors and actresses. Athletes, musicians, religious figures, national and international people in the news. But I have a question? Are these really the people we admire most? What do we really know about them? How can we call them our heroes?

Every year, I wanted to write in a name, but I never did. It bothered me a little that I never did, although I doubted whether they would have published my letter anyway, but it would have been nice to see her name in print. You see the woman I admire most has always been my mother.

There are two points of view on that statement. For those who know me, you are probably thinking I admire her for her title and position. My mother recently retired from a senior position in the Canadian Provincial Judicial System. Of course that is part of the reason, but it is how she reached that position, the obstacles she overcame, and how she handled herself on the way, and once she got there, that I admire.

Briefly, she was a woman in law school when women didn't go to law school. She was a Jew in public life, when Jews were still excluded from many areas of public life. She opened doors for women and for Jews. She leaves a legacy on the court of over 25 years of dedicated service. She taught her children that it was possible to have both career and family. She has never missed a special occasion, right down to 8th grade graduations! She loves all her grandchildren and isn't afraid to get down on the floor to play with the little ones. She handles adversity with as much grace as she handles success, and I know she will handle retirement with as much grace as she has handled her working life. I can't wait to see what she does next.

My mother is now, and will always be my hero.

Follow up to the German Sex Trade question

2005-02-07T16:33:00.000-05:00

There is a great deal of controversy about whether Germany really would "force" a woman into the sex trade against her will. It appears from roughly translated articles in German newspapers (so much for machine translation) no woman would be pushed into the business if it wasn't her wish, and no woman would lose benefits because she refused to go. That is, of course, what every woman wants to hear.

Now for my enormous caveat. Governments all over the world are similar. Rules are established, and unless codified, exceptions are hard to implement, let alone enforce. I hope Germany has codified the exemptions required to allow a woman to avoid being forced to work in a sex based industry or lose unemployment benefits.

In the last year I have read several stories about the results of the enforcement of US deportation laws. Children, who were adopted as infants by US citizens, but who never finished the citizenship process, can now be deported after age 18 for conviction of non-violent crimes, back to the country of birth, even though they have no family there, no means of support, and have never spoken the language. Reason? It's the rules!!

Let's hope there are no cases where an "officious" un-employment officer decides to enforce the rules!

Therapy: the Useful, the Difficult, and the Painful

2005-02-07T15:56:00.000-05:00

Depression, even situational depression, can be overwhelming. Chemicals work, but they aren't the complete solution, and I believe you need to try your hardest not to make them a permanent solution. For that reason I have been working with a therapist for a while now. I think it has helped, to a point. I came in with a number of issues, and I've chipped away at them one at a time until only one is left. But that one seems to be made of stone, or a giant ball of yarn.

Imagine a huge ball of yarn. Now imagine unwinding the whole ball, and leaving it with a room full of kittens for several days. Now, imagine trying to untangle the mess, one string at a time. The frustration level is high. You keep looking for a starting place, but all you get are more loose loops. If you could find a real start, then you could start making a difference, but all you can do in the meantime, is try to loosen all the knots you find, and not let any new ones form.

Think of me, loosening knots....

Sex Trade or Starve?!

2005-02-01T14:26:00.000-05:00

In Germany, the legalization of the sex trade has created a situation where women are being forced into the sex trade by the government.... This is disgusting!

THEIR GOVERNMENT AT WORK
Women told, 'Work in brothel, or else'
German law forces out-of-work females to take sex jobs or lose unemployment

http://worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=42615

Corporate Retreat and Religious Compromise

2005-01-17T17:38:00.000-05:00

My company just returned from a corporate retreat at Epcot Center. The company flew employees and guests to Epcot in chartered planes, put us up at the Boardwalk Hotel at Disney, fed us dinners and breakfasts, gave us admissions to the park for one day, and held 4 hours of meetings on Friday afternoon. The question that arises, did I make a corporate error by attending.

Several people at the company were "pleasantly surprised" that my husband and I attended. I went to the business meeting on Friday, but left early to light candles and bring in the Sabbath. The hotel room was on the ground floor, so no elevators were involved. The Friday night dinner was in the hotel, so attendance required nothing but walking. Saturday we kept to ourselves, and Saturday night's dinner was after Shabbat ended, so again, not an issue.

The question that concerns my husband is, did I "start down a very slippery slope" by attending.

I honestly don't believe I did, but I am slightly worried. My company, with almost 185 employees, has very few Jews. Right now, I know of only two, though there may be others who do not make their religion known. The company has, in the past, occasionally completely ignored the religion question, and scheduled events on Friday night or Saturday, that may have limited my ability to advance in my career at the company. However, recently, and on many occasions, they have bent over backwards to make sure I could participate. This is, partially, a direct result of my fairly vocal identification of my religion, and the constraints it imposes, but also a growing awareness that as the company itself grows, we cannot exclude anyone based on religion, race, sex, disability, age, or any other cause.

I would not have attended a corporate meeting on Saturday. I have done my best to educate my friends and colleagues on activities that are permissible, and those that are not, but still, I am sure that if the meeting had been on Saturday I would have heard "well all you have to do is listen." That I definitely see as being on the slippery slope, and I won't go there.

I did go to Epcot. I think everyone had a wonderful time. I hope to be around for the next corporate trip. But I will continue to educate, and hopefully will never come to regret my decision to attend.

Why do we blog? Or better, for whom?

2005-01-05T16:22:00.000-05:00

One of the blogs I read regularly (see the link to A Simple Jew on the right), blogged today about having nothing to say. And decided that quality was better than quantity. Some people blog daily, even if their post is a "one-liner". Others blog only with news, or significant thoughts. I fall somewhere in between.

I thought I started blogging to see if I would talk less, but I discovered that it did not affect how much I talked. (Sorry PPC.) So why do we blog? For ourselves? For an audience? Do all our posts need to be cute? Provocative? Controversial? Some blogs are one or the other. Mine are all three and more. I blog because writing lets me make my thoughts concrete, and I blog for myself. However, blogging is still a public forum. Anyone can/could find and read my blog. I like having readers, and comments. If those who choose to read my blog also enjoy what I have written, then that is an added bonus.

More on G-d and the Tsunami

2005-01-05T09:27:00.000-05:00

From Kings I (Chapter 19), the story of the prophet Elijah:

The prophet Elijah, fleeing for his life from King Ahab and his wife Jezebel, ran to the mountain of the Lord much in need of divine help. There the Lord appeared to him.

"There was a great and mighty wind, but the Lord was not in the wind. There was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. Then there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. Finally there was a kol d’mama daka , “a still small voice.” And the Lord was in the still small voice."

From this we can learn that while G-d created nature, G-d is not within nature. Nature works according to its own laws.

(From a recent sermon delivered by a local Rabbi.)

The Tsunami as a deliberate act of G-d?

2005-01-04T19:30:00.000-05:00

I belong to several listservs. Even where the Tsunami is completely off-topic, the subject has come up. All have discussed what can be done to help. In one major case, along with what we can do, and whether or not the US has done enough, and whether or not the UN is doing what it should, and whether or not the countries are politicizing the aid being accepted, are posts on the cause of the Tsunami.

No, they aren't discussing earthquakes and after shocks, they are discussing G-d. Was this "act of G-d deliberate?" "Was it meant to teach 'us' a lesson?"

I do not believe that natural disasters happen to large groups of innocents to send a message to one particular religious group or another. Especially half-way around the world! It is the height of vanity and conceit to think that G-d created the Tsunami because of "our actions", and even if some part of you thinks this even remotely, it shows incredible depths of arrogance and lack of compassion to explore the ideas in the midst of a conversation concerned with helping others recover from such a terrible disaster.

Will G-d really bring disaster on the world to punish for sins? Will he kill the innocent and the guilty alike? Has he done this before? Was the Holocaust a punishment to the Jewish people for not keeping Kosher????

There are Bible phrases that can be quoted and interpreted that will make some believe that this is a warning from G-d. I believe it comes as a warning to us that our tsunami, earthquake, hurricane, and weather warnings need to be improved, strengthened, and increased. G-d helps those who help themselves.

I believe in a gentle, loving, compassionate, forgiving G-d. I will continue to pray for the dead and the living, wherever destruction hit. I will give money for aid, and help in any way I can from such a distance. I will pray that it never happens again. And I will continue to believe in a G-d who emphasizes his attribute of mercy above all others.

Changing Family Roles

2005-01-03T16:55:00.000-05:00

For almost our entire marriage, my husband has worked full-time, and I have worked part-time outside the home. Some of that time I was at school, but clearly my schedule was much more flexible than his. In all those years, I was generally responsible for making sure that the house ran, the children got where they needed to be, the bills got paid, and there was food on the table.
Three-and-a-half years ago, I went to work full-time for a consulting firm in Northern Virginia. Even though only one child was still at home, it seemed that I still had all my old responsibilities, including making sure appointments were made and kept, cooking and shopping, making lunches for son and husband in the morning, etc. Slowly things deteriorated. I was constantly tired, always grumpy or angry, and felt overwhelmed and stressed. My husband and I had some talks, and he took over half the regular grocery shopping, and made an effort to come home earlier and prepare supper occasionally. He also helped with appointments (driving not making) and some picking up.
In October, my husband left his job and started looking for something else. Since then he has slowly taken over more responsibilities. Most of the driving, most of the shopping, most of the cooking.
But I have noticed a strange phenomenon. The more he does, the less I want to do. It's as if our positions were reversed. Now I'm the one who comes home and wants to put my feet up. He's the one who wants me to: help with supper, empty the dishwashers, feed the cat, make a salad, etc. Is this because he is resisting, or because he suddenly discovered how exhausting a house can be.
Do you suppose if I am more understanding now, he will continue to be understanding when he goes back to work?

I'm sorry, but I just can't.

2004-12-07T11:46:00.000-05:00

I try to help people in need. Giving tzedakah, charity, or lending a helping hand is very important to me. However, I received a request yesterday, that I just can't accommodate. Let me explain the sad case, and then I will explain why I can't help.

This poor woman was recently widowed. Since then she has been subjected to humiliation, abuse, and physical and psychological torture. She has lost confidence in herself and those around her. She and her daughter are homeless and stateless. She fears the loss of what little money she has left, thus making her totally dependent on her persecutors. She begs me to help her find a place of shelter where she can support her husband's legacy. But she does ask if I can't help, to please keep her request secret.

Of course that I recognized the name of the person asking for my assistance was a surprise to me. Normally, the names and circumstances of someone making this type of request are completely foreign. You see, this letter came from Mrs. Suha Arafat and of course it isn't billions that everyone says she wants to rescue, but only $18 million, and she is quite sure that I want to help her for a "small remuneration". That she writes from an email address in the Netherlands shouldn't bother me a bit. Or that the address where I should write is at familymailbox.com. I am tempted to open a new hotmail account just to see how far I can take this, but considering my family history.....

So, I am really sorry Suha, but I just can't help.

Am I a Grinch?

2004-12-06T15:18:00.000-05:00

I never thought of myself as one before, but somehow, this year I am feeling particularly "Grinch-like". My Grinchness results from the recent decorating activity in my company's front lobby. I have had a particularly strong reaction to these decorations. The question is, am I a grinch, or is the degree of decoration in very poor taste.

Let's start with some history. Although I am Jewish, I have never objected to pdc's (Public Displays of Christmas). I like the lights, and the decorations, etc., as long as it isn't rubbing my nose in it. I have always had a preference for "understated elegance". My jewelry tends to go that way, as does my clothing. I have never been very big on excessive fluff. Some of the most elegant Christmas displays I have ever seen have been in historic or classic homes, where greenery decorated with large red bows traces the bannister and the mantle, the tree is heavy with ornaments but lighter on lights, and candles shine in every window. If you are going to light the outside of your house, pay attention to what the display looks like. I am not impressed by sagging straight lines, or masses of blinking multi-colored lights, and I am beginning to really dislike holiday blowup figures of santa and reindeer. What's next? A blow up creche? On that topic, one of the loveliest displays I ever saw was a creche where each day the magii and their cames drew closer and closer, until finally on Christmas the baby was introduced, and the full scene was complete.

Now, back to my office. The decoration is over the top. Personally, it does not look professional to me. Is this really what we want our clients to see when they walk in the door? What if the client is Jewish or Muslim, and less open minded than I? If it were my front office I would remove the paint on the doors, and the snowflake cut outs from the walls. I would move the display on the ledge to the floor and relegate it to a corner. One wreath in the small lobby space is sufficient, not three. The tree is fine, the pointsettas are fine, but the rest.....

Oh, and adding a menorah does not automatically make any seasonal display right. I have no problem if my company wants to put a menorah in the lobby for the next 9 days, but it is absolutely not necessary, and all my menorah's will be in use at home during that time, as ritual objects.

PS If this does sound like a grinch, then so be it -- I am going to be grinchy until January when this all goes away for another year....

Never Knew vs Never Forget

2004-11-11T16:28:00.000-05:00

Very few people have not heard about the Holocaust. We watch movies and read books. The museums keep the stories in our sights. But what about our children. The line, or paragraph, or chapter, talk about Hitler, the Holocaust, and the second World War. But what do our children really understand? What can they comprehend? Columbine? 9-11? They were sudden and violent and real. The numbers are manageable. Most of us have been in a crowd of 100 or 1000 or 5,000. In a sports stadium, crowds can mean 75,000. But what is 6 million? Who can comprehend that number, child OR adult?

That is why what happened in a small town in Tennessee is so special. A new documentary tells the story of how the students of that small town responded to what had been to them a completely unfamiliar chapter in human history, with a promise to honor every single soul lost in that horrible event by collecting paper clips to represent each individual exterminated by the Nazis. Their dedication was absolute. Their plan was simple but profound. The amazing result, a memorial railcar filled with paper clips which stands permanently in their schoolyard, is an unforgettable lesson of how a committed group of children and educators can change the world one classroom at a time.

Take a look at the trailer for PaperClips. Go and see the documentary, and never forget.

Is there a difference between anti-Zionism and anti-Semitism?

2004-11-10T17:06:00.000-05:00

Many people would have you believe there is. For many reasons, some people abhor the State of Israel. At the same time, they say "we have nothing against the Jews, some of our best friends are Jews." Historically, there has not been a difference. Before the State of Israel existed, the Nazi's railed against the Zionist-Jewish conspiracy. Today, many people mask their prejudice against Jews behind their political opinions on Israel, but in France today, Jews are being targeted because they are Jews, and Israel is the land of the Jews.

All that being said, how do you explain Jews who are anti-Zionist. There is an extremely religious group, the Neturai Kartah, who believe that Israel is "traif" not permissible, because it is the product of man, not the product of G-d. Many of these Jews will not visit the holy land, and the ones who do live there will tell you they live in the holy land or Palestine, but not in Israel. They have as little as possible to do with the Israeli government, and support those who would eliminate the State. (Of course I always wondered if they realized they would be pushed out of their holy land and holy city right along with all the "traif" Israelis.)

I recently received an incredibly depressing series of photographs. I thought at first that they were the product of photoshop, but I am sadly coming to realize that in fact the people who purport to worship the same G-d as I, were indeed standing vigil with the Palestinians outside the hospital where Yasser Arafat lay, hoping that he would not die, so that he could continue his fight to dismantle the State of Israel. For more information, take a look at www.netureikarta.org.

Just looking at the ideas promulgated on this site makes me feel dirty.... Please know, these are not my Jews!!

Sabbath Stoves

2004-11-03T16:03:00.000-05:00

Jessi and Jason closed on their new condos and moved in over the weekend. Jessi was telling me that she had a "Sabbath setting" on her new stove. That's why finding this article was fun. Bet you didn't know that all those engineers really understand what they are doing.... Or do they?

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/12.11/kosher.html?pg=1&topic=kosher&topic_set=

Are we starting a new cycle of violence in Israel?

2004-11-01T16:04:00.000-05:00

There was a bombing in an open air market in Tel Aviv today. There has not been a suicide/homicide bombing in a little while. I pray that this does not signal the start of a new violence cycle, but I don't believe that it is coincidence that this happened right after Yasser Arafat went to France for medical care. Did this bombing take place while he was out of the country to reduce his "blame"? It is pretty clear that the Palestinian leadership does not exert control over the militants. Either they can't, or the won't. Which it is, I leave up to you to decide.....

PS For those of you who believe that one act of violence does not make a cycle, I would say that one "successful" act of violence encourages others....

Mood swings -- Up, up, up

2004-10-28T20:08:00.000-05:00

2004 has been a very long year.

Things really became difficult in the fall of 2003, but the difficulties continued into 2004. There were definitely high points, but the lows far outnumbered the highs. I thought I did my best, but in the early spring I knew I needed some help.

My boss would say "better living through chemistry." Being the obsessive (my colleagues at work use anal retentive) person that I am, I wondered if I could figure out where that came from. I found a DuPont add from 1935 with the slogan "Better things for better living through chemistry," but I didn't think that was his source. I found two other sources, an album in 1997 by Fatboy Slim called "Better Living Through Chemistry," and a song on a 1998 album by Queens of the Stone Age with the same name. What I decided was that the catch phrase came first, the music came after. If anyone knows better, let me know.

Anyone, that's what I decided I needed -- a chemical jolt. It took a while, and sesveral adjustments to get the right combinations, but in the last three weeks, despite major issues at home, I realized I feel good much of the time. I am getting work done and I am sleeping better (most of the time). Perhaps my work didn't really slack off as much as I thought it did, but I feel good about things now, in a way I haven't felt for months.

Now, if I could only bring the rest of my family to the same spot. My son seems bent on sabotaging his last year in high school in the same fashion that he did the last three, by not handing in homework, and my husband has been in a blue funk (with reason) over work for the last six months or so. Do you suppose my good mood can rub off? Bad moods certainly can....

"There is no room in this country for hyphenated Americanism." ??

2004-10-27T08:04:00.000-05:00

Today was Theodore (Teddy) Roosevelt's birthday. My Quotes of the Day included this one. I understand what he is talking about -- the concept of the great melting pot. We aren't Irish-Americans, or German-Americans, or Black Americans, or Catholic Americans, or Jewish Americans, we are all Americans, and should think with that mind-set. It is a fairly idealistic vision.

The status quo in the United States is polarization. I can think of good times, and bad, when most Americans stood united, but most of the time, we see ourselves, what is good for us, our families, our neighbors. Our neighborhoods are often enclaves of similar people with like ideals and common interests, and in this time of elections, we frequently vote on single issues. Is this necessarily a bad thing? To focus on what is good for "our" world rather than what is good for the country as a whole? Maybe, but it frequently seems unavoidable.

Teddy Roosevelt believed in the United States as one country, whose citizens are all Americans, no hyphens allowed. I would argue that both extremes are bad. Polarization is divisive, loss of personal identity is de-humanizing. The U.S. needs to find a middle ground. A cohesive group where individuality is applauded and differences are accepted and respected. We need to think less about what will be good for us now, and what will be good for the United States tomorrow and in the future. In that way, we can keep our hyphens, and still be a strong and united country.

Does Kitty make you sneeze?

2004-10-26T17:24:00.000-05:00

There is a solution -- check out http://www.allerca.com/index.html -- For $250 down, and just $3250 in 2007 you too can own a hypoallergenic cat. Can you say "genetic engineering gone silly?"

What makes a bad day

2004-10-26T10:06:00.000-05:00

I don't usually wake up in a bad mood. Oh sometimes I do -- when I went to bed frustrated or mad -- when I didn't sleep well or I'm under a lot of stress -- when something hurts, my back or my head -- but usually I wake up in a neutral mood or a good mood. It's what happens in the next half hour or the next couple of hours that can make a bad day.

Did the coffee maker not start when it was programmed too? Did you have to buy gas when you are already late? Did you get behind an idiot going 55 in the left lane of the beltway? If you let them get to you, then can put you in a bad mood, and it can stay with you all day, coloring everything else that happens.

All those things are unimportant. Don't take them to work with you, and don't bring them home later. Let them go. They are 2s and you only need to worry about the 10s in your life.

Other things can make a bad day. Running out of money, or wasting it. Getting lost. Running out of time. All three can drive a person to total frustration. Breath deeply. Remember that there are people who love you. Turn it into a funny story to tell your co-workers. Laugh at yourself later. But don't forget, you get better service and kinder responses with honey rather than vinegar,and of course if you have to swear at someone, curse Pierre Charles L'Enfant.

Frustration -- or what were they expecting

2004-10-22T15:08:00.000-05:00

The college board decided that they would start letting students retrieve their SAT scores online. I am not sure whether the October 9th test was the first, or if they have been doing this for a while, but it appears to me that they weren't at all prepared for what would happen on the first day when students could retrieve their scores. They need to make sure that they have additional capacity available so that students don't receive a screen like this one.

PS Scores still not retrieved, frustration mounting.

Clutter vs classic or trash vs treasure

2004-10-21T17:34:00.000-05:00

I live a cluttered life. The people in my office will readily attest to that, and my family has known it for some time. I have recently decided that it is time to unclutter. Unfortunately, it does appear that some members of my family talk the good talk, but have a hard time letting go.

One of the things I decided was that there was "stuff" in the house too good to put in the trash, but no longer important to us. There are two ways to get rid of that "stuff". You can give it away, or you can sell it on ebay. Giving it away is good for the charity, and may be good for your taxes, but seeing if things you no longer want will sell on ebay is a whole lot more fun. I have started selling off some of those things too good to trash on ebay. Just a little at a time, but it is fun.

Recently I put up an old computer game that had been hanging around the house. I was never going to play it again, that's for sure. It isn't even loaded on our home computer. I listed it at $12.50 yesterday, and it already has a bid on it. Five days from now it will be out of my life. I told my daughter, pleased that it was going to "disappear" and her response was "you should keep that, it's a classic."

Lots of things in my house are classics, but none of them are going to stay. Fair warning to my family. If it hasn't been used in 5 years, and if it belongs to me, then if I want to get rid of it, I am going to do so. I am not talking about sentimental things, but for heaven sake, this is a computer game! Going, going, gone....

Loaded questions

2004-10-16T22:47:00.000-05:00

I fumbled a loaded question this evening. My husband asked "Do you want to go out tonight?" and I answered "No." Apparently what he meant was "I would like to go out tonight." When I said No, he said "Then I guess we'll stay home again." So now I was the bad guy and the party pooper. Yuck. I am not taking the blame for this one, and I will not feel sorry.

The next time you want to go out on Saturday night, say the following to your S.O. "I feel like going out tonight, want to do something?" and you will inevitably get a very different response than the one my S.O. got tonight. We women aren't mind readers. and even after 26 years, we don't always read things right.

At the same time, women can be just as guily, so please don't consider this advice only for one sex or the other. Of course if your partner really doesn't feel like leaving the house, they may still say No, but at least you haven't left them not knowing what answer you would like to hear.

Good news and ..... Or the continuing saga of Caroline the cat

2004-10-13T19:53:00.000-05:00

I got home relatively early tonight, and decided that I should really take the cat to the vet to make sure that her diet is working. As soon as I got out the leash the cat was off like a bolt of lightning, even though her supper was waiting in her dish. It took three of us to get her out from under the bed, tucked into her leash -- which she managed to wiggle out of the first time I tried to put it on -- a big hint that she has lost weight.

Now for the bad news -- at least from my end -- or maybe from hers. When I took her from my husband to take her out to the car she peed on me -- G-d cat urine stinks. So now I have a crying cat in my arms, her back claws are sticking out as far as they will go, and the front of my leg is wet and smelly. I figured nothing worse could happen -- the vet is really only seven minutes away -- so we went. Nothing worse did happen, fortunately, and we got in and out of the vets quickly, but now for the good news, I hope.

Caroline was 17lbs when we took her to the vet this summer. This evening she weighed 14.5, so she lost about 15% of her body weight. That means kitty Atkins is working. My husband's question is, is it working too well. Is she in fact losing weight too fast, and how much weight is enough. What is an ideal weight for my little cat. Could she, in fact, be malnourished? Hopefully the vet will call tomorrow with answers to all my questions!

Free at last

2004-10-11T10:16:00.000-05:00

We are not "supposed" to celebrate the end of the fall holiday season. We are supposed to be sad to see it go. Our return to normal life is supposed to be a departure from the closeness to G-d, and we should not feel liberated. However, I am not shy to admit it! I feel like quoting from Martin Luther King this morning!

It will take me some time to get back into the swing of things, but nevertheless, I am glad to see the end. The Sukkah is down, the endless foil packages are disappearing from the fridge, and the world is slowly returning to normal......

Black and white?

2004-10-05T15:30:00.000-05:00

Children see everything in black and white. Things are good or bad, they love something or hate it, a March day is windy or calm. Once they have determined, according to their rules, how something is, it is difficult to change their minds. I can remember, when my children were young, they could not understand that my brothers were Jewish. Jews ate only kosher food, did not use electricity on the Sabbath, and would never even think about driving. It took a while to convince them that there were many types of Jews. Maybe that was their introduction to shades of gray.

Learning about shades of gray is not a bad thing. Most of us are neither all good nor all bad. Of course I am sure all of us can point to exceptions, and I am not going to argue whether a mass murderer was or was not good to his mother, but for the most part, in life, we must learn to accept, and work with, shades of gray.

My question is, do we see fewer shades of gray as we grow older. I remember, when my grandfather was in his 80s, that Israel could do no wrong. It didn't matter what the circumstances, what had happened, what the reality of the situation was, Israel was right in every action. I gave up arguing with him. If I wasn't with him, then I had to be against him, if I wasn't white, I was black, if I argued that an Israeli action might have been ill-timed or inappropriate, I sided with the anti-semites. Better to keep my mouth shut and respect my elders.

I bring this up because I spent the weekend with my in-laws. They are, in general, sophisticated New Yorkers, modern, enlightened, cosmopolitan. However, this presidential election seems to have removed the color gray from their vision. They are some of the most fanatically anti-Bush people I have met in some time. Every paper was scoured for anti-Bush comments. Every pro-Bush article was heaped with derision. I could not talk politics with them, because they saw no good in Bush what-so-ever. In their opinion, the entire last four years have been an unmitigated disaster, he did nothing good, and never could.

[Side note: they do not seem to be pro-Kerry right or wrong, but support Kerry because he is the person running against Bush. Would they support anyone running against Bush who had a chance of beating him?]

I see the parallels between my in-laws and my grandfather. Some places I'm smart enough not to touch. I do hope that by Thanksgiving they will have relaxed from whatever the results of the election may be!

Survived!

2004-10-03T13:38:00.000-05:00

My youngest son kept his temper in check, my daughter only talked back to her grandmother once (or was it twice), and my in-laws only made 3-4 soto voce comments about me, my house, and my kids. All in all, we survived.

I was most proud of my youngest son. Under other circumstances, he would have gone ballistic with comments his grandfather made. He may have spent a lot of time sleeping, but nothing was thrown or broken, no curse words were shouted, and nobody left the house in a fury. That's what I call a success!!

I'm a cat lover but....

2004-09-28T15:44:00.000-05:00

My daughter forwarded this to me and I thought it was funny. I wanted to share it with some friends, but I figured maybe my blog would solve the problem of clogging everyone's email box.

How To Clean Your Toilet - The Fun Way

Instructions on how to clean your toilet
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo tothe water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close bothlids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash"and rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that thereare no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom,and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,

The Dog

Things of beauty (or at least I think they are)

2004-09-27T17:26:00.000-05:00

Soon after I moved offices at PPC I realized that I had a large blank wall to play with. Well I would have a large blank wall once I took the book shelves apart. With Carrie's help, and her tools, that was quickly accomplished. It took me a little longer to figure out how to get what I wanted onto the wall.

In 1998 I made a quilt for my husband's office. When he changed jobs it didn't fit into his new office, and it sat in the closet, folded and unseen for several years. It is now hanging in my office -- temporarily -- until he gets one big enough again.

I love quilting. I find it relaxing and challenging at the same time. It brings out the small creative streak that I have, and yet requires precision and attention to detail thus feeding my messy side and my anal retentive side at the same time. I have been working on a quilt for a friend's daughter for some time now, and it is getting close to finished. I wanted to post a picture here to share it with the world. This is not nearly as pretty on the web as the pic on my computer, but......

Fasting as a method of focus

2004-09-25T22:22:00.000-05:00

One of the reasons given for fasting on Yom Kippur is that it removes the concern and focus on food from the holiday, freeing you to focus on prayers for forgiveness. I find that fasting leaves me lightheaded, unfocused, and tired, conditions that make it extremely difficult to focus on asking G-d's forgiveness. Not to mention hours of standing on very hard floors, and prayers in a language that I struggle with when they have all my attention.

I find that I am satisfied if I get 75% concentration on Yom Kippur, but just once I would like to be able to say that I was able to focus 100% of the time. Ah well, I will just have to try again next year.

Only the holidays of Sukkoth and Shmini Atzereth remain. Next week is another 2 day week at work, the following week is a three day week. I come back and everyone asks how was my vacation. I hate to answer bad, but it isn't what I would choose to do if I were taking a vacation. They don't tend to leave me very rested. Next week my in-laws will be here as well. I love them, but it does add to the pressure. I keep telling myself, by October 10th this will be all over for another year. No major holidays until Passover at the end of April, late this year.

Escort service

2004-09-23T16:47:00.000-05:00

Today I was trained on how to properly perform my escort duties. Comments?

NOTE -- I purposely throw this incredible softball at all my friends and acquaintances for the pleasure of reading their witty (and possibly not witty) comments, signatures preferred, but not required.

Public Service

2004-09-22T14:56:00.000-05:00

What constitutes public service?

I ask this question because it has been on my mind a lot lately. My firm does a large amount of consulting with the federal government, and the federal employees are often referred to as public servants, but are they really? Many, make that most, federal employees seldom have contact with the American public in the course of their daily work. So are they public servants or performing public service?

They do work in the public sector, but how many of them are there for altruistic "I want to serve the American people" reasons. For that matter, how many of our politicians, House and Senate are there from a true desire to serve. What percentage of the former have a job with the federal government because those jobs have been historically safe and secure? What percentage of the latter crave power?

I know this is sounding cynical, and I don't mean to be cynical, but recently my companies president sold his shares in the company to a management team. He had always wanted to experience working in three areas, academia, private sector, and public sector, and now seemed the time for him to try the public sector. I truly believe that Rick really wants to serve -- and I know that historically that has been a common theme in the United States, but how much has that changed in the last decades.

Is Rick in a minority?

10 days of repentence

2004-09-21T16:26:00.000-05:00

Part of asking G-d to forgive us during the 10 days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur is that we must ask our fellow man to forgive us. This is the time of year when, if you know you have offended someone, you must go to them and ask them to forgive you. The Rabbis say you must ask three times -- sincerely ask three times, and mean it. If the person refuses to forgive youeven after that, then the sin is on the other person's shoulders and your slate is clean.

Often this becomes a ritualized process. Perhaps because we can never know who we may have offended during the year. The president of the synagogue will stand up and ask forgiveness from the congregation if they have done anything to offend during the year. Kids seem to think it is quantity not quality. They will run from classmate to classmate asking for forgiveness, barely listening to the answers before moving on to the next person.

I tend to be somewhere in the middle. I have a fairly good idea of who I may have offended, but I can be obnoxious, and who knows what I have said that I didn't mean the way it sounded, and therefore caused both offense and hurt. In that respect, to the people who read my blog regularly, or even occasionally, if I have offended you in any way in the last year, I hope you will forgive me for that offense, and know that it wasn't intended.
Erica

Still not ready to write about the Jewish Holiday

2004-09-20T16:56:00.000-05:00

The events were incredibly upsetting. So instead, I am going to do something every self-respecting Washingtonian should swear to never do, bitch about the Redskins. I watched the game yesterday with good friends from work. That part was wonderful. Whether they were being nice to let me intrude, or really wanted me there, doesn't matter, it was exactly what the doctor ordered. After a holiday of tension, stress, cooking, washing dishes, eating, praying, sleeping, and yelling (not necessarily in that order) I needed to escape.

Unfortunately, the Skins didn't exactly come through with the cap to the afternoon. Even playing a lousy team like the Giants (sorry all you Giants fans out there), the Skins, and particularly the quarterbacks, handed the win to the Giants on a silver platter.

I watched the opening game live. The offensive front line looked solid. What is it about Ramsey that seems to turn them into a sieve. And was he pushing to hard? I mean 3 interceptions. Special teams still seems to have some holes too. All in all, not a stellar performance. Better next time is good, but next time is Dallas on Monday night. They need to get A LOT better.

Any way, next week I will be watching from the cosy comfort of my kitchen on the small TV my daughter is going to return this week (hint, hint, hint.) I am already starting to think about preparing for the next holiday. Does this ever stop? Not in the fall....

Too honest?

2004-09-18T21:26:00.000-05:00

So it seems I am being too honest for my family on my blog. It seems a pity that I ever let them know where I was writing. An outlet to vent (a little) or to keep me from talking constantly at work, has now become one more battleground. Bummer. Have to think this one through.

As for the weekend? Worse than anticipated....

Shana Tova U M'tukah

2004-09-14T15:52:00.000-05:00

The traditional greeting for Rosh Hashanah is Shana Tova. Translated, that means "good year", short for Happy New Year. Rosh Hashanah literally means "the head of the year" or the new year. Another possible greeting is the title of this post, shana tova u m'tukah -- "have a good and sweet new year".

The complete greeting, probably poorly transliterated, is ktav v'chatimah shana tova u m'tukah. "May you be inscribed and sealed for a good and sweet new year. It is the traditional Jewish belief that on Rosh Hashanah G-d weighs us and determines our fate for the coming year. We then have ten days to pray for forgiveness for any evil decrees he may have made, culminating in the fast of Yom Kippur when our fates are sealed.

Without inflicting religion on anyone, may we all have a sweet, happy, prosperous new year.

Erica

Just a thought -- you don't suppose the government fiscal year was codified on October 1 to roughly coincide with the Jewish New Year? Neah......

Thoughts on homonyms

2004-09-13T20:11:00.000-05:00

Thoughts on homonyms -- words that sound the same but mean something entirely different -- for PPC. And yes, I am anal retentive, and no, Alex D, don't read this it will just make you frustrated.

reign

Exercise of sovereign power, as by a monarch.
The period during which a monarch rules.
Dominance or widespread influence: the reign of reason.

rein

A long narrow leather strap attached to each end of the bit of a bridle and used by a rider or driver to control a horse or other animal. Often used in the plural.
A means of restraint, check, or guidance.
A means or an instrument by which power is exercised. Often used in the plural: the reins of government.

rain

Water condensed from atmospheric vapor and falling in drops.

A fall of such water; a rainstorm.
The descent of such water.
Rainy weather.
rains A rainy season.

A heavy or abundant fall: a rain of fluffy cottonwood seeds; a rain of insults.

Without political opinions -- Bushisms

2004-09-13T19:59:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have kept trying to remember the wording of two of my favorite recent Bushisms, but I am unable to quote him exactly. Obviously I am having serious senior moments here. I have therefore decided to put them here so I can always find them.

The first was said in a speech in Washington on terrorism and people who are trying to harm the United States:

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

The second was from a speech that made reference to the evils of spiraling malpractice insurance:

"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."Sept. 6, 2004, Poplar Bluff, Mo.

We all know what he wanted to say, and none of us would decry his sentiments, but his adlibs are frequently hilarious, and must make his speech writer cringe.

Stuff

2004-09-13T19:48:00.000-05:00

When my children were little and we asked them what they did at school, we would often got long stories about what they learned, who they played with, and what they did. As they got older, the information got shorter, and by the time my daughter was in High School, the answer we got to "what did you do today?" or "what did you learn today?" was "Stuff".

"Stuff" became a standing joke in the family. Stuff was what all my kids have done or learned in High School. Stuff carried over to college, and for four years when we would ask my daughter about a class and what she was learning, as often as not the answer would be "Stuff." My oldest son, now a junior at Maryland, tends to share much more information, but he too occasionally answers "stuff", and my youngest son answers "stuff" on a regular basis.

Somehow, once my daughter was out in the working world, I thought she would share what she was doing, but lo and behold, the other day when I asked her what she was doing at her new job the answer was ...

STUFF!!

Too much to say

2004-09-13T10:04:00.000-05:00

How do you figure out what to blog about when all sorts of fun things happened. This weekend seemed to be one of those weekends packed full of events. I was going to say "stuff" but that's another blog entirely.

A very dear friend stayed with us for Shabbat. She and her family were here about a month ago, but this time we really had a chance to talk about ourselves and where life has taken us over the last 30 years.

My daughter started the transition into her new apartment. I won't say move, because although she will be there some of the time, it won't really be full time until after the Jewish holidays.

I took my youngest son to the Redskins game on Sunday. It was absolutely wonderful, and to the person who gave me the tickets, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I had a great time, and better yet, my son called it one of the best Sundays ever!

My daughter took me (and my youngest though I am paying for his ticket) to the Tim McGraw concert in Baltimore last night. I enjoyed the concert. It was a good show. Must admit, I think I liked Kenny Chesney better, but it was still great, and I liked how he found a small girl to sing to in "Don't take the girl". She looked absolutely charmed.

I will/may throw in a detail or two later, but that's why the weekend was so jam packed....

Well it's coming

2004-09-09T09:06:00.000-05:00

It's official, the RIF is coming at the end of the month. Turns out my husband has known since the end of July, and even though we had discussed it, he "forget" to tell me that he got the official notice. He will get 9 months of paychecks from the government, so things aren't urgent yet, but it would be nice if I had heard at the time.

Test

2004-09-08T09:46:00.000-05:00

This is a test to see if I can post at all.

Fear

2004-09-07T20:52:00.001-05:00

I'm afraid to leave my kitchen. More specifically, I'm afraid to leave a centrally located point in my house where I can monitor what my teenage son is doing. He exploded in rage at dinner. It started relatively benignly. He was reading a book, something based on a fantasy game, I think. Not exactly serious reading, but playfully, he was calling it a must read of childhood, and teasing his older sister because she had never read it. When he called on me for support, I said I didn't think it was published when I was a child. He said of course it was, it was published whenever he said it was published, but his sister wanted to prove him wrong. She took the book from him to read the copyright pages. He picked up a glass to hit her fingers with to make her drop the book, and obviously hit hard. I don't think he meant to hit hard, but it's hard to tell, I was still in the kitchen. His sister yelled and got furious, he said he was sorry, she yelled some more. He got furious and said he was sorry and why was he always blamed for everything. She went into the kitchen -- not sure why -- and in a rage, he poured a full glass of coke over her supper, splashing down onto her upholstered chair and the floor. She had been very hungry, and seeing the ruin of her dinner, she burst into tears. I took his supper from him, put it on another plate, and gave it to her. I didn't yell at him, I just made the punishment fit the crime. He worked himself up into a rage. Everybody hates me. I want to kill myself. I stopped him from going to grab his medicine, and he went up to his room. All the while he was talking about killing himself. I tried to talk to him, but it didn't seem to matter. Finally he said he was leaving and wasn't coming back and I couldn't stop him. I've learned my lesson, I wasn't about to try. The only thing I was going to do was keep him from taking car keys, and hopefully keep him from doing major damage to something (himself, car, house.) Once outside, he broke a broom, but since I wasn't watching, I don't think it was satisfactory. I don't know what I would have done if he had gotten more violent or really tried to hurt himself. He has always come back when he does run away so I wasn't worried about that. Finally he came back inside, spent some time online, IM'd some friends, and when they called, talked to them, took a shower, and now he is watching a cop show -- Law and Order or CSI or whatever. He seems calmer, but is still angry. This time I managed to stay calm. That doesn't always happen. Each time he does something like this I feel a little colder inside. Do parents really truly have unconditional, bottomless love? I hope so.

Selling on ebay

2004-09-07T13:45:00.000-05:00

If you are not making your livelihood by selling on ebay, and if what you are selling would be lying around the house or in the trash if you didn't sell it, does it matter whether you get $2 or $5 for the item?

Sure it's nice to have the other $3, but you don't know that someone would pay that, and getting $2 seems better than getting nothing, especially if the alternative is paralysis -- should I or shouldn't I sell.

So I sold seven more sheets of sports illustrated cards for $2 each. Maybe that guy will turn around and make a profit, maybe he won't. Either way, I didn't put them in recycling, and I did put $14 less fees in my pocket. I think it's a fair trade all around. Am I wrong?

The bite of the car

2004-09-07T12:27:00.000-05:00

So I got the first estimate on fixing the Mazda today -- $1000 -- and that's only if they don't find any addition damage. It needs a control arm, struts, sway bar links, a wheel, an alignment, and may need a spindle (?)
My son must have been going 40 miles an hour around that curve when he lost control of the car. He is lucky he isn't dead -- or someone else.

Currently, he isn't allowed to drive for 2 months. And I'm not sure yet about fixing the car. I have had it towed from where it is now to where my daughter's friend can deal with it. As they both said, I should have done that in the first place.

Money well spent

2004-09-03T12:59:00.000-05:00

I took the day off to be home while a handyman did some repairs around the house. The big one was the shower. I had a tile loose, wall board behind the tiles needed replacing, and the whole thing needed resealing and regrouting. Then there was a wall my teenage son kicked out in one of his rages (he has paid us back for that one), some holes punched in doors and hockey stick dents in walls (he has paid for those too), a couple of screens that were slashed, and some closed doors that no longer rolled.
There is still more work to do -- we need more sanding and plastering on the larger holes, but the layers need to dry in between so they will have to wait for another day. Still, at least there are no longer big gouges everywhere.
Of course I didn't factor a day off from work into my son's costs for the repairs, but it was well worth the vacation time to get the work done. Oh and I am looking forward to the long weekend ahead, as well....

-- Final cost after 5 hours of work, including parts, not including vacation time, $237.54 -- this guy is a steal!

AAARRRGGGHHH

2004-09-02T15:30:00.000-05:00

You take the corner to fast, you go up and over the curb, you damage the axle. As a teenage boy, this kind of activity is going to get you into a world of difficulty with your parents every time. Especially, if since you got your permit you have:

hit a truck getting off the beltway cause your dad didn't give you good instructions
side swiped a curb so hard that you cracked an axle in your Dad's Honda
hit a van at a light because you didn't stop quickly enough
get a speeding ticket. You were going 52 in a 35, but the cop gave you 44 in a 35 cause he was nice
drove on a flat tire so that it shredded
as noted above, took the corner too fast

And these are the ones your parents know about.

I fought to keep the car for my son, but I think he will kill himself with it if I let him keep it now. He just isn't a very good driver. In fact, he is a bad driver!! And of course, this gives his Dad a chance to say to me "I told you so." And you know he will, and hammer me with it for the next months....

Thought of the day -- which ones are wrong?

2004-09-02T12:17:00.000-05:00

My fortune cookie said "You are kind-hearted and hospitable, cheerful and well-liked." Given that any fortune has a 50/50 chance -- either it will happen or it won't -- that means by illogical logic that of those four statements half are true and half aren't. Interesting thought.....

Cancelled!

2004-09-02T10:58:00.000-05:00

My brother-in-law decided that going to South Carolina this weekend, even if we don't get hit with a hurricane, would be silly. Half the purpose is to play golf, and it is supposed to rain all day Sunday and Monday. He is going to try and reschedule for late October. Maybe he will reschedule for the weekend of October 16th and I won't be able to go :-)

Fortunately, before departure the plane tickets can be switched for $25. My husband will do his today, but we will hold off on mine, and my son's. Independence has already waived the $25 fee for Georgia and Florida. It may be a matter of time before they wave SC too.

I still get to cook for Shabbat, but at least I don't have to figure out how to get the food to SC!

Bobbsy twins?

2004-09-02T08:54:00.000-05:00

I went to see The King and I at Wolf Trap last night with my daughter. The production was a visual delight. The costumes and sets were lovely, and the younger actors and actresses were a pleasure. They did appeared to be having a few sound issues, and that made some of the singing difficult to hear. Sandy Duncan sounded a little hoarse, but she certainly didn't have any difficulty portraying a young widow, which was certainly a possibility. I didn't like the king much. I thought there was no spark between the king and Anna. Still, the music is always delightful, and it was a very pleasant evening.

I did see one strange sight however. There was a mother there with her daughter, and they appeared to be wearing the same clothes. Well, they were certainly wearing the same shirts. Black with a thin white stripe, hook and eye closures down the front. You would think, since they live in the same house and drove to work together yesterday they would have known in advance that there was going to be a problem. They did, but it didn't register. When the daughter came downstairs she was wearing a business suit and white shirt (also a suit that her mother owns another of, but that is a different story). She had a portrait session at work and needed to be dressed formally. She did mention something about bringing along the same outfit to wear later, and her mother saw the shirt, but it didn't really hit her what it would mean for later.

Of course the mother is me, the daughter mine. We were both wearing black shirts and light pants last night. I felt like one of the Bobbsy Twins! I know we looked silly. I should have changed, or she should have brought a different shirt, but we are both stubborn :-) We never wore mother and daughter dresses when she was young. I thought they were silly. Now look at us. She did pay me one compliment though, when I said that I felt foolish as her mother dressing the same way, she said I couldn't be her mother. At least I think it was a compliment?

Stressed out at work?

2004-09-02T06:48:00.000-05:00

Everyone here is very stressed out. There are lots of deliverables that have to get out the door in the next days and weeks. Long hours seem to be the norm right now. For all my colleagues who are overworked, with a lack of sleep, and too many things on their minds, I apologize for the heavy blog yesterday. Not what you needed to read (if you read it at all.) Will try to think of something light hearted for a little later this morning.

Bus bombings

2004-09-01T09:36:00.000-05:00

I tried to think of a cute title, but I quickly realized that there is nothing cute about terrorism, or homicidal bombers, or targeting mothers, children, and other innocent civilians. Damn it, I could understand if you want to violently protest against an act by a government, go after a leader of the government.

(Please note -- to any government officials reading this blog, I do NOT advocate terrorism in any form, Nor do I support any terrorist acts including political assassination. I just think that on a scale of 1 to 10 of deplorable activist activities, killing innocent women and children is a 20, and bombings and terrorist acts of any sort against civilians or non-civilians are a 19.)

Anyway -- getting that caveat out of the way, I am incredibly saddened by the bombings that took place in Israel yesterday. Two buses exploded in Beersheva, killing 16 and injuring 101. Riding the buses is a way of life in Israel, and I suppose one of the goals is to disrupt everyday life. But most Israelis have an indomitable spirit. I am not entirely sure that I could continue to ride the buses day after day, knowing that any day the bomb could be on my bus.

They call native Israelis "Sabras". The sabra is a very prickly cactus with very sweet fruit. They are desert plants and can survive in almost any condition. Israelis will survive. It may not be the way the United States, the Arab States, or the United Nations wants them to survive, but they will survive, and they will never break.

Chief cook -- but maybe not bottle washer

2004-09-01T08:34:00.000-05:00

I was right about the chief cook part, but it came from a different quarter. My husband, Barry volunteered us to bring meals for Shabbat. Of course he didn't ask me first. That means I have to shop and cook in order to bring the meals. This sucks. I think he realized that he had "blown it" when he finally spoke to me. He had something else that needed to be done, but he took care of that part himself. It only involved disrupting my supper 3-4 times to get phone numbers for me...

I wish the weather was going to be beautiful -- I could really use some quiet time on the beach.

Leaps and bounds

2004-08-31T19:59:00.000-05:00

I can't tell if my cat is losing weight -- well I suppose if she has lost more than 1/2 lb I could weigh myself with and without her -- but she does seem more active.

I hadn't noticed that she was slowing down a little, but now I am noticing her in places she hasn't been for a long time: perched on the back of the chair looking out the window in the living room; on the kitchen counters (no I don't really want her there -- but she does like to perch on the knee wall and survey dinner preparations); on my bedroom dresser. I will know she is really feeling young again when I find her on the windowsill in my bedroom. This is a difficult jump, and it has definitely been a while since she tried it....

Vacation ambivalence

2004-08-31T09:04:00.000-05:00

I am supposed to go to an island off South Carolina for labor day weekend. I have been looking forward to it -- a lot. The closer I get to the weekend the less I want to go. First, I heard my sister-in-law won't be there. Does that make me the chief cook and bottle washer? The designated kitchen maid? I doubt it, but the fear is there.

Second, the whole purpose for going to the beach is to spend time in the sun and it looks like Hurricane Frances may destroy those plans. She is currently in the islands heading West, but is expected to turn slightly North over the next few days. Current projections have the eye coming ashore in Miami on Friday morning, with tropical rains reaching into at least half of South Carolina by that point. There goes the beach, the golf, and the sun.

I know the house is supposed to be spectacular, but this is an island, and a beach house. Do I really want to get an evacuation notice in the middle of the night? Or worse, fly into South Carolina and spend labor day weekend at the airport because I can't get out again? My family would definitely tell you I am a worrier, but do I have any reason to be feeling a little ambivalent? Does imagining the worst make me a pessimist? Am I a pessimist?

Airborne!! (And I don't mean the Army)

2004-08-30T12:56:00.000-05:00

Well, it had to happen. We all knew that if they could have phones on planes, the internet wouldn't be far behind. Some airlines are beginning to add Wi-Fi access to flights. The last place safe from email and web surfing is about to vanish into the mists. For more on the changes, check out the article on MIT's Technology Review, Wi-Fi goes airborne.

Do you want to be a Hero?

2004-08-30T09:15:00.000-05:00

If you are into Rambo, this is not the movie for you. If you like blood and gore, this is not the movie for you. If you hate subtitles, some of them moving off the screen fast, this is not the movie for you.

However, it is one of the most beautifully choreographed and photographed movies I have seen in a very long time. The movie is a visual pleasure, from the vast expanses of the Chinese desert, to the flowing fabrics of the robes, to the invading army's "serried ranks", to the fight scenes amid flying arrows, flowing fabric hangings, or falling leaves. Although I sometimes wondered, since the movie is shown as a series of possible flashbacks, how many times people can die?

The only jarring note I found was with the king. I'm not sure why, but I expected him to be much more excitable. The calmness of the assassins was expected. The calmness of the king was not. Was that the point?

Wonderful quiet day

2004-08-28T19:56:00.000-05:00

I just had a wonderful, quiet day with my youngest son. We had a serious talk without shouting on his part (well without much shouting) over a jigsaw puzzle. For all those people who have never really experienced Shabbat, the Jewish sabbath, this is what it's all about. Rest, relaxation, and reconnecting with family.

Hero -- a new Jet Li movie

2004-08-27T16:38:00.000-05:00

My friend Amy, who is an American citizen of Chinese decent (is Chinese American a perjorative?) Has been telling me about a movie called Hero for several years now. The movie was released in China a while ago, but has just been released in the States. She says I definitely need to go and see it, that it is better than Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I will have to judge for myself. Take a look at the two trailers. The first is in English, the second is sub-titled.

Desson Thomson in the Washington Post says "IF YOU THOUGHT "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" and the "Kill Bill" films were balletic spectacles, you are so ready for Zhang Yimou's "Hero."

Guess I will go find out for myself.... Sunday night August 29 at the 7pm show at the Uptown Theater -- join me

Thoughts about the Olympics, past and present

2004-08-27T14:12:00.000-05:00

We were sitting in the kitchen at work yesterday, talking about the Israelis winning a gold medal, and one person expressed surprise that this was their first gold. Another commented that the country was still relatively young. I thought, "and small, and has had other things to focus on than athletics, like survival." But what I said was, "yes, and much of their team was wiped out in Munich." I received several blank stares.

I have gotten used to coworkers who think Vietnam and Watergate are history. Who know Gilligan's Island from reruns, and who don't share my taste in music, but I am always caught when something that I consider common shared knowledge brings up puzzled looks. I got the same looks when I talked about Yasser Arafat's past "exploits."

Thinking about this last night, I decided that current history should come with the backstory. Especially when whitewashing something leaves an incomplete picture. After all, Kerry was part of a Swift boat team, and served in Vietnam, no matter who you believe, and Bush was an occasional weekend soldier here in the States.

Protest at the Olympics -- see my post about the Iranian judo athlete -- have always been present, but what happened in Munich was not a protest. Member's of the Palestinian terrorist group Black September infiltrated the Olympic village in Munich in September of 1972, took nine Israeli athletes hostage. 10 escaped, and two were shot in the invasion. The nine who were taken hostage also died at the end of the incident. The games went on that year, and there has never been an official Olympic commemoration of the incident.

As for Yasser Arafat? He was the head of the Palestinian Liberation Organization, the PLO, starting in 1969. The PLO is responsible for at least four plane hijackings, and the Maalot massacre of 1974 when 21 children were killed in the take over of a high school in Israel, among other terrorist activities. Did Arafat ever pull the trigger? I doubt it. Did he condone it? He financed it and he welcomed the perpetrators into his group. Judge for yourself.

Yes, people can change, And he has changed. He no longer says that he denies Israel's right to exist. He no longer says it out loud...

Back to school

2004-08-26T15:32:00.000-05:00

For my two sons, school starts again on Monday September 30.

My older son will be a junior at the University of Maryland, College Park. He is majoring in linguistics, but will probably end up taking the GMATs and going to business school. He is moving into his on-campus apartment today, but classes don't start until Monday. I don't have his schedule yet, and I'm not sure what he's taking, but he and his Dad have worked everything out, I'm sure :-). His Dad likes to keep close tabs on what he's taking and what he needs to graduate.

My youngest son will be a senior in high school this year. Unlike the first three years of high school, he will not be returning to the religious Jewish day school he has been attending. He finally succeeded in rubbing our noses in the fact that he hated it, thoroughly and completely. Instead, since no private school would take him for the senior year only, he will be attending Kennedy High School in Wheaton, Maryland.

None of us really know what to expect from Kennedy. There are going to be a lot of unknowns in this school year. I will probably be worrying about him just as much as I always have, but for different reasons. Since the last people in the family to go to public school were grandparents, I suspect this is going to involve a great deal of culture shock.

Any advice?

Windsurfing is a sport?

2004-08-25T13:37:00.000-05:00

The Israeli's won their first gold medal EVER at the Olympic games today. That's great, but "Windsurfing"?

Some people never lose the joys of childhood

2004-08-25T13:23:00.000-05:00

My 21-year-old son is a pretty wonderful young man. I am proud of him and his accomplishments. He has turned into a respectful, (mostly) responsible person. At the same time, he can completely exasperate me. He has severe ADD, and without his medication, he doesn't hear, can't listen, and would forget his head if it wasn't firmly attached. Without his girlfriend, he would be a lost soul. She keeps him centered, grounded, and aware. Sometimes she clings too much for my liking, but that is probably the complaint of every mother about someone their son might (probably will) marry some day. Their relationship is over five years old, and still going strong.

However, none of this explains the title. One of the things I love about this child is his exuberance for life. He embraces it with open arms, is generally completely unselfconscious, and doesn't care what others think of him as long as he is comfortable with himself. He is a wonderful photographer, and often sees the world and its beauties from a child's point of view. He also occasionally does things that are not common for adults once we realize that others sometimes laugh at idiosyncratic behavior.

Witness the other night at the movies. Yes, he came with us to see Princess Diaries II. In fact he was the only male in the theater, and perfectly comfortable in that role. But he was in a great mood. Not sure why, doesn't really matter. Before the movie, while we were still in the lobby, something made him "frolic". Not sure what, doesn't really matter. He lightly tripped a few steps, gently flapping his lower arms and hands like a bird, and said he was frolicking. When his sister accused him of "prancing" he appealed to me as to whether it was a "prance" or a "frolic". Laughing, I responded that I would have to see it again to make a decision. So he "frolicked" a little more. No shame, no embarrassment, probably no medication, but that's not really the point, and no concern about anyone else in the lobby watching.

I couldn't have done it. His sister probably wouldn't have done it. He could and did, because he has never lost the joys of childhood, and I hope he never will.

Silly movies can be fun

2004-08-24T15:26:00.000-05:00

My daughter, my older son, his girlfriend, and I went to the movies last night. We saw Princess Diaries 2. As silly movies go, this was right up there with the best of them. Improbable plot, silly situations, caricatures instead of characters. But it turned out to be just what the doctor ordered. I was able to forget all the things that have been "on my mind" and laugh for a couple of hours. I don't like many comedies. Slapstick leaves me cold, embarrassing situations leave me, well, embarrassed for the characters. But this was spoof, pure and simple, with nothing offensive involved.

Actually, the only time I felt sad was when Julie Andrews sang, or rather melodically talked through a song a la Rex Harrison in My Fair Lady or Richard Harris in Camelot. When I think of how beautiful her voice was, of The Sound of Music, and Mary Poppins, and all the rest, it is very sad. However, she clearly doesn't feel sorry for herself, or if she does, she doesn't show it, and in that, there is clearly a lesson to be learned, one from which we could all benefit.

Kitty Urine Tests -- Success

2004-08-24T08:01:00.000-05:00

I guess I worried needlessly last night about depriving Caroline of her litter box. It seems she has more control than I thought. That, or she hadn't had much to drink. My son managed to get the door to the room where the litter box is closed about 6pm, 1/2 hour late. That may have helped too.

I lined a cardboard box with towels, wrapped her in a towel, and got the leash on her before she realized what was happening. In fact, I didn't let her see the leash first, and that also may have helped.

The whole trip to the vet took less than 45 minutes. Turns out they actually use a catheter to get a urine sample. I had visions about plastic bags taped to fur! Ever wonder how they get a urine sample from a baby without a catheter?

We'll find out in a few days if everything is ok. Hopefully no new medical problems will show up -- and she is eating, just less. Maybe not liking your food is good for dieting.

Roses -- just because!

2004-08-23T14:35:00.000-05:00

I received the most beautiful roses from my "secret admirer", just because. What a wonderful treat for a Monday morning that isn't a birthday, anniversary, or significant day in our 26-year shared calendar.